So it’s Christmas. I’ve always loved Christmas. And I love the traditional aspects of Christmas, or at least my own family traditions. Every December I get out my special reindeer dishes that I’ve had from when I was a small child. And I still use them, despite my mother’s protests. If I had my way, everything would happen just as it’s happened for the past 20 years. I admit to being a creature of habit, but I think my tendency towards habitualness also extends to an appreciation for tradition. And I think that’s where my affection for Christmas arises—I mean, I really couldn’t care less about the religious part. I’m in it for the Christmas tree decorating, the presents, the family gatherings, and the reading of The Polar Express on Christmas Eve. I love the ceremony and ritual of Christmas.
But this Christmas has been different. We broke with tradition. And I can see us breaking even more on down the line. My sister and brother both got married within a year of each other. They have spouses and families of their own now, and greater commitments to the in-laws. They don’t live here anymore, and now that they’re married, we can’t even pretend that they live here anymore. My brother now even has a step-child of his own, and so it would be slightly odd for him to pretend to be a child himself, sitting around the living room in bathrobes taking it in turn to unwrap presents.
On the extended family front, things have changed too. I lost two uncles in the space of nine months. These two uncles happened to be the life of every party, and the ones who actually looked forward to large family gatherings. Caffrey family celebrations have taken a serious hit, and without Daniel and Christopher to cheer us on or little cousins who want to show off all their presents, I foresee the extended family members withdrawing into their own immediate families, who are growing with in-laws and grandchildren of their own.
Of course times are going to change, and you have to roll with them. I don’t handle change well. But I have a feeling I could handle this change better if I had someone of my own. Tradition needs other people; the best traditions are those that you make with other people over long periods of time. And especially at Christmas, we all want someone—someone to kiss under the mistletoe or to hold hands with in front of the fire, or to thank after that really romantic gift. (Now, granted these are all images from commercials and Christmas cards and we should not feel grossly inadequate if we fail to live up to these Norman Rockwell/Hallmark expectations.) But with my siblings coupled and traditions changing, I find myself more than ever wanting a special someone of my own.
And in looking at my own family traditions, I look forward to introducing that special someone to all of them. Bringing someone into a family gathering still seems like something out of the Dark Ages—you bring in the new person and he or she must learn the peculiar family traditions and perform the rituals exactly. If they pass the test and don’t make any gross faux pas, we can let them into the family. Christmas still represents a ritual testing ground. And remember back in elementary school when you had to write a little essay on your holiday traditions? It seems like we use these holiday traditions to take a snapshot of people and families. From what we learn about their Christmases, we can form a pretty good idea of them as people.
So my Christmas wish for this year is to find someone special with whom I can share my traditions or make new ones. Merry Christmas.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
It's Mutti and Jean here. We loved hearing your thoughts and your sharing about where you are at in your life. What you say is all so understandable and we have each been at this place at some point. I do believe that our relationships with others are the glue of our lives and provide the meaning to our experiences that we yearn for. We send our collective positive energy out into the universe today, calling that special someone to show itself in your life.
ReplyDeletethis is a test,
ReplyDeletePerhaps your attachment to tradition is simply a statement of the human condition which embraces pattern and habit and forseeability and dislikes change and the unknown. All humans share this trait albeit to greater or lesser degrees. But there is value in stepping outside the known and comfortable and experiencing the surprises the world has to offer. Embrace new experiences, people and situations. Read a book about a subject you know nothing about. Try skiing or bridge. Challenge yourself to try something outside of your comfort zone. Enormous growth will occur and you will revel in your new found experience.
ReplyDeleteThis is not to reject pattern, habit and tradition; all are worthwhile but they are safe and we all need the challenge of stepping outside of our safety zone from time to time.
I must say that Christmas is all about the tradition to us too. For years Eric talked about the "Caffrey gatherings" and how close everyone was. I think it is time for our generation to step up and keep the uniqueness of the Caffreys' alive. Hopefully once the sun comes out and spring rolls around we can make time for each other and create new traditions.
ReplyDeleteSarah C