Oh Oprah!

The other day I happened to watch Oprah. I do not make a habit of watching Oprah, because I am certainly no Oprah fan. I do not belong to the school of “Oprah can do no wrong.” As usual, Oprah talked about her weight and her struggle to lose it. And she decided that her fall of the wagon in the past year and weight gain did not come from any “food issue.” It was a “love issue.”
And I (and my mother) just said “What?” And then Oprah’s diet guru, Dr. Bob, advised us all to ask “Why are you overweight.” Our jaws dropped and we exclaimed, “What!?!?” He did not want some answer like, “I take in more calories than I burn off.” He wants some answer along the lines of “My mummy/daddy/friend/spouse/children/boss/life coach doesn’t love me enough.” He wants to know the emotional reason why you are overweight. Oprah wants to know “what are you really hungry for?” The answer she wants has nothing to do with ice cream, but rather, approval.
Now, I do not have skepticism for over-emoting and mid-level psychological problems like depression and addiction. I firmly believe we should talk more openly about our emotions and how they inform our decisions. I also firmly believe that addiction is a disease. And I do believe that for a small number of people, overeating and becoming overweight can have a psychological source.
But I believe that these people are few and far between. Oprah and Dr. Bob want to ascribe the overweight-ness of most people, at least most women, to emotional problems. For me, this crosses the line into mollycoddling psychobabble. Oprah claims that whenever we eat too much chocolate cake, we really want more love in our lives or need some kind of comfort or want a better relationship with someone. What about the fact that the cake tastes really good and feels good in our stomachs and costs less than fresh vegetables?
When Oprah blames her weight gain on “love issues,” she is being both too hard and too easy on herself. She is being too hard on herself in that she ignores the huge societal sources of obesity—the temptations everywhere, the easy availability of bad food, the constant crunch for time that leaves no room for exercise or healthy eating, the stress of modern life that sends hormones haywire. I think we now have conclusive proof that obesity is an epidemic; it undoubtedly still has a personal element, but it also has public, cultural elements. So when Dr. Bob asks, “Why are you overweight,” why does he not also ask, “Why is most of America overweight?” I honestly don’t believe that the majority of Americans have emotional-eating problems. Of course, I could be wrong. However, I do believe that the majority of Americans have a complex network of problems involving time, money, multinational corporations, and biology that leads to obesity.
But chalking up ballooning weight to “love issues” also sounds like something of a cop-out. Now, I have never had issues with weight, so I admit that I do not know firsthand the frustration. But when talking about the mental/emotional side of weight and body management, Oprah conspicuously leaves out one key mental attribute: willpower. If Oprah has such psychological insight to recognize that when she eats the chips, she really needs balance, then she should also have enough insight to see that she needs to exercise her willpower. Again, I must issue a disclaimer. I happen to have large amounts of willpower and self-discipline and I know that most people, through no fault of their own, do not possess such self-discipline. But I think that Oprah should at least address this very important aspect of character when she talks about emotional eating.
And let me tell you, I have enormous “love issues” and I’m a size 6. I hunger for love and approval, but I do not seek them in ice cream. (I eat ice cream because my mouth loves the taste and texture and my stomach likes the nice cool feeling.) I have problems loving myself, yet I have no problems eating an apple instead of a bag of chips. Maybe I just represent the exception to the rule.
I actually do see one “love issue” related to Oprah’s weight. She does not love herself enough to see that she will never be a size 6. She looks pretty damn good as she is now; she obviously knows how to dress well and has some amazing makeup and hair people. But Oprah, Oprah darling, you do not have the body to ever be a size 6. Love yourself enough to recognize that you, just like everybody else, buy into the same standard of beauty that you will never attain. Should Oprah try to lose 20 pounds? Yes. Should she also admit that she wants to look skinny? Yes.