Angelina v. Jennifer

Today as I talked to a guy who I am very much interested in (a couple of other people, both male and female were also present), the subject came around to what kind of girls—women—interested him. He threw out Ingrid Bergman and a few Hitchcock blondes. So I asked, “Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston?” I asked that because Angelina and Jennifer exemplify two very different kinds of women. Our national obsession with the Aniston-Pitt-Jolie love triangle speaks to certain societal views about modern gender roles. And I suddenly realized today that the Angelina-Jennifer debate can teach us young, single gals a thing or two.
Angelina and Jennifer present two completely different visions of the modern woman. Jennifer is the “girl next door” and completely accessible. She appears most often in the tabloids wearing jeans and a black tank top, her skin tanned as she walks in Malibu. She has perfectly highlighted blonde hair, blue eyes, and a lithe, toned body. And does this make her beautiful? I personally do not find Jennifer Aniston at all attractive. She has a severe, oddly-angled face and thin lips. While she has certainly found success in her Hollywood career, she basically plays the same character in everything she does. She started out as Rachel, and unfortunately has not shown much capability of moving outside that kind of role. She does have good comic timing, but she simply does not disappear into a role.
Angelina, on the other hand, is the femme fatale, “other woman,” scene-stealer, crazy/beautiful bombshell, unpredictable weirdo, Oscar winner, the movie star. She is inaccessible. She holds her head regally high, her chestnut hair cascading down her back, and her full lips in a perfect pout. Something about her just screams, “Look at me!” Then there’s her history of tattoos, kissing her brother, playing mentally unhinged characters, and wearing a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood. Now she has become the ultimate Earth Mother and diplomat and shows ultimate passion in both endeavors. While her career has slowed down of late, she does have an Oscar and several Golden Globes and amazed Hollywood with her ability to disappear into roles. We see her most often cavorting around exotic international destinations with a string of kids in tow.
Now, which do you choose? Brad Pitt chose Angelina, but he is perhaps the only man in the world who could affirmatively choose Angelina, rather than have Angelina choose him. I personally would go 100% for Angelina. Maybe I’m a little biased—I too have naturally full, pouty lips. And a director once said that I reminded her of Angelina in Girl, Interrupted (for which she won her Oscar). Many women agree that Angelina is beautiful, but may not like her for her status as “the other woman.”
But what I find absolutely perplexing is how many men choose Jennifer over Angelina. Don’t men find Angelina incredibly sexy and fascinating? She projects excitement, passion, adventure, and maybe even a little craziness. Jennifer projects comfort, routine, safety, and maybe even a little neediness. These differences translate into a difference in accessibility, and apparently guys crave accessibility. Modern guys are unfortunately just as or even more insecure than modern girls. Modern guys no longer have the balls to ask girls out, and so if they do take their chances, they might shoot lower in the hopes of not getting shot down. Why aim for the Superwoman (Angelina) when you have a better chance with the Friend (Jennifer)? The guy today said, “You can have a hamburger and a beer with Jennifer.” I don’t think Jennifer has eaten a hamburger in 10 years, but she does seem like a hamburger kind of gal, whereas Angelina seems like a foie gras and wine kind of woman.
Bottom line: Angelina scares men. She scares them with her undeniable talent, success, passion, intelligence, and sexiness. Angelina never shows a sign of weakness or vulnerability. Women like Angelina are simply born—fully formed from the head of Zeus with an undeniable presence. By contrast, he have seen the making of Jennifer Aniston, as she has shed a good 20 pounds, gone through countless trendy haircuts, and made the leap from television to film. It’s not a coincidence that Angelina found fame in movies and Jennifer found fame in television. Angelina is larger than life and demands a larger screen. Jennifer fills out the television screen comfortably but doesn’t strain at the edges. Jennifer does not scare men, and that is why they like her.
A few hours after my conversation with the guy, I microwaved myself a soy corn dog and joined him and a few others in conversation. And he said, “I’m glad to see you eating a corn dog. That makes me happy.” So what does a corn dog symbolize? Well, I think it symbolizes accessibility. I do not claim to be drop-dead gorgeous, but I do think I am more of an Angelina than a Jennifer. I hold my brunette head high and play up my lips. I know that my intelligence makes me seem far away and maybe even haughty. I talk with passion and force. But when I come out eating a corn dog, I automatically gain a few points of accessibility.
Later in the afternoon, I heard a TV interview with a professional matchmaker with a new VH1 show. He said something very interesting that comports with my revelations. He said, “Men want and need to see vulnerability in a women. As much as men like confident, successful women, they also like vulnerability. Men want to be needed.” Angelina does not need a man and very rarely shows any vulnerability. Jennifer does need a man and nowadays can even come off as desperate.
So what does this mean for young single females? Well, it means that being an Angelina might not always work to your advantage. You might need to do something to enhance your accessibility. Angelina might not scare Brad Pitt, but then, he is Brad Pitt. Angelina-types might scare most of today’s more insecure males.